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HIGH GEAR/MARCH 1978

AGEING... AND GAY

By Dennis Highland

Have you ever wondered what you will look like ten years from now? Or twenty? Or even thirtyfive? To most of us in the "gay life" this is admittedly an unpleasant prospect; but it is something that most of us will have to contend with. Considering that the average life span is nearing seventy-five years, many of us have another fifty years to go before the inevitable occurs. How we live those fifty years should be our primary concern, however.

Time is kinder to some of us than to others. I know people who are 45 but look to be 25; just recently I experienced the relative shock of meeting someone who, due to poor health, looked to be over 60 but is only 34. Within these two extremes is where we lie: some of

us will have fewer wrinkles, others will lose more hair; age will increase the girth of a few people, while the youthful twinkle in the eyes of others will continue unabated. Our control over our physical appearance is limited by heredity, and while we can watch our weight and take vitamins, there are factors beyond our manipulation that will inevitably make us old, sick, and eventually dead.

This condition is an inextricable part of the human experience and life cycle. Its implications are unpleasant no matter what affectional preferences one may have. But the ravages of time are particularly cruel to gay people. In an ambience that glorifies physical beauty and sexual prowess, age is a debilitating factor in the eyes of many.

The "bar scene" bears testament to those people who have allowed age to become a tragedy in their lives. Old and alone, the glassy stare of the aging gay replaces the sparkle of youth. Fond memories of the pleasurable past bear a stark contrast to the empty realities of the present, with their hopeless continuation into the future. It seems that the gay life has a commandment "Thou shalt not be old" that operates relentlessly. Enjoy your youth today! Forget tomorrow! Whore around and be happy!

If, in the struggle for equality, maker. we succeed in ridding ourselves of any of the aspects of gay life which serve to diminish the humanness of our culture, it is the derision towards age and the fear of it which, I hope, will be the first to expire.

This has led me to consider how we can rid ourselves of this

noxious problem. I believe there is a means by which we can break away from the traditional status regarding aging gays, and considering that all of us are ageing now, I consider it extremely important that we change our present modes of thinking here.

It is in this situation wherein the ageing, as opposed to mellowing, process sets in to do its worst work. With the pleasures to body so important,

the attention that is needed for the emotional self to flourish, is neglected. As years are added to the body, the mind remains immature and undeveloped.

Then, old age sets in. The body is 60, while the mind is still 18. Desirable physical attributes disappear and there is no mental maturity to compensate for this loss. And the result is another example of the cruelties we inflict upon ourselves as gay people.

feel

that the best

way we can avoid this vicious cycle is by how we can control our lives once we have initially determined our gayness. As I said before, gayness is a state of mind; the mind, therefore, should always assume dominance over the body. To allow the desires of the body to prevail, as so many of us have done, is truly a perversion that must be avoided. So you see someone you like? Talk first, before going to bed. See if the mind feels compatible before trying other parts of the body, instead of the reverse order, which is so often done instead. It is like an investment in future happiness and content-

tention it deserves and requires ON THE POSITIVE SIDE

In the past I have mentioned that the body ages no matter what we do, but the mind can mellow if only we give it the attention it deserves and requires in order to grow. It is our mental processes over which we have the capability to exercise the greatest control. We can continue to shape our personalities long after age has calcified our bones. The failure of many of us to take charge over this crucial aspect of our lives is a personal and communal tragedy of awesome proportions which we, as gay men and women, should no longer continue to perpetrate upon ourselves.

RUDI

HAAKEN

The years of experience in the gay life which we will accumulate should serve to reinforce the basic human values that we all have, but may have lost sight of while engaging in mindless promiscuity and shallow "relationships." It must be remembered that gayness is a state of mind; our preferences for those of the same gender is a mental determination, however involuntary, that has been made

Rev. C. Shawn Farrell

we

In the last issue, endeavored to give the reader a brief look at some positive statements concerning human sexuality as expressed by two theologians, Dr. Norman Pittenger and Fr. Gregory Baum. Other authors and clergy have, in more recent years, expressed those same positive attitudes, but unfortunately, many gay men and women never hear their words. So they continue day by day firmly convinced that most churches and most Christians are "The Enemy." Not so!

For example: in a pamphlet prepared by the Southern California Council on Religion and the Homophile we find the following statements:

"There is a sacred realm of privacy for every man and woman where they make their choices and decisions, fashion their essential character and desires, a realm of their own essential rights and liberties, into which the law, generally speaking, must not intrude, for it is so easy to interfere unwisely. and to rob people of their power of freedom of choice." The Hon. Arthur M. Ramsey, Archbishop of Canterbury

barred to the homosexual, "The gates of heaven are not though many a human heart is.

One would think by now that in each and every one of us. The COUPLES

we have learned from our mistakes; but the process continues as before. The physical beauty of youth continues to be wasted in mindless sexual exercises. We expend the precious commodity of youth without regard to the inevitable future. We fail to plan for the time when we won't be quite so pretty anymore. We leave our precious future to happenstance, and the result is almost always tragic. And, of course, the scene at the bars continues: the old people are mulling over their sixth drink, alone, while the new crop of young beauties cruise around without taking the time to reflect on the future that awaits them.

physical body does not show whether the individual is homosexual or heterosexual. The mind controls the body in determining what an individual shall do with it.

The problem, I think, arises after a person has come to the realization that s/he is gay. Then, all too often, the roles of mind and body are seemingly reversed; what was initially an example of the mind assuming dominance over the body in determining gayness, quickly devolves into the body assuming

dominance over the mind in placing physical pleasure above mental growth. The genitalia assume the role of decision-

Who are we to impose our judgments?" Robert W. Wood, "Christ and the Homosexual."

"Laws fashioned by ignorant, frightened men to crush and torment people who do not fit accepted molds of morality but whose crime against society cannot be proved, should be removed from the books." The Christian Century

"The church's ministry should begin to try to make a place in the community for homosexuals who have been denied welcome in the company of the Body of Christ. I call on the Episcopal Church to think radically about human sexuality." R.W. Cromey, in "The Living Church"

These are only a few statements made to affirm that many people within the Christian community want to change the archaic attitude about human sexuality so long adhered to by mainline churches.

The Disciples of Christ recently did a study on "Homosexuality and the Church," and has issued positive statements on their conclusions. The United Church of Christ ordained a gay brother, the Rev. Bill Johnson and Rev. R.J. Baldauf, Chairperson, E.O.A. Christian Social Action

-courtesy of NGTF Action Report 3/78

The final sample of about 200 the durability of a relationship." couples to be interviewed at some length (with a $20 reimbur sement for their time) will be chosen from among those who fill out preliminary questionnaires; it is intended that the group will break down into approximately equal numbers of and gay-male, heterosexual couples.

Prof. Philip W. Blumstein, Prof. Pepper Schwartz and sociologists at the University of Washington and NGTF membershave received a substantial National Science Foundation grant for a three-year study of gay and non-gay couple relationships: "what makes (them) work or not work, what dissatisfied with (them), how lesbian, makes people satisfied or things like conflict, negotiation, and patterns of decision-making or dividing physical labor and emotional tasks contribute to

The research is not restricted

to couples who have already been together a long time. Schwartz and Blumstein would “like

ment. Love endures long after infatuation fades away. The mental climax sustains long after the physical climax subsides. The whirlwind of gay social life should not prevent the appreciation for those basic human values of love and understanding to be the dominant factars in our lives.

If we are to mellow rather than age, it is absolutely essential that we allow our personalities and emotions to develop and mature. For the sake of our future happiness, and to avoid the tragedy of being old, gay, and alone, our minds must continue to develop throughout our entire lives. The choice is ours alone to make.

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Committee of U.C.C. included these words in the body of his memo on "Civil Liberties without Discrimination Related to Affectional or Sexual' Preference" The (quote): words, and "deserving" "earning" are sometimes used to justify denying Civil Rights to gay persons. As you, dear friend, and I know we do not earn or deserve our civil liberties and rights, and we must remember that nobody else has to. These are inherent and guaranteed rights for all.

We Christians should be especially aware of this analogy involved in our faith we do not have to "earn" or "deserve" God's love and acceptance which are given freely and equally to one and all. "Go and do likewise."

We hope that you will extend,' to our gay brothers and sisters, who are hurting in so many ways and are often villified, the right hand of Christian fellowship, and show that the Church of Jesus Christ is concerned for all persons. (end quote)

The very real message to each of you, my brothers and sisters, is this God, in love, created you. God loved you before you were aware of that love, and God loves you NOW JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

to hear from anyone, especially people who are quite private ... about their lives." The results will be "qualitative rather than quantitative" and will be published with participants' anonymity protected in a series of papers and, eventually. a book. Couples interested in receiving a questionnaire should write to the researchers at the Department of Sociology. DK-40, the University of Washington, Seattle, Was. 98195; or call the project secretary at (206) 543-5872 for more information.